Lavender, Lemon, & Firewhiskey
by I Luv R-T
Summary: When Remus is away living with the werewolves, Tonks finds comfort in the most unusual place..the arms of Severus Snape
1. Chapter 1

**Oof.. Well, I'm surfing in totally uncharted waters here. This was originally supposed to be a 'what would happen if' companion chapter to a future chapter of "Wake Up & Dance with Me". But I couldn't get it out of my head, so here it is now. I've never done a Snape/Tonks fic.. It felt kinda weird first, to be honest..**

**I ain't Rowling, so don't be hatin'.. **

**Lavender, Lemon, & Firewhiskey **

**.com/watch?v=iIMJPlDiI3w**

I sensed her before I even heard her. I just, as always, felt when she was near. Then I heard the light footsteps going down the stairs into the kitchen. She was so tiny, she hardly made a sound; not like Mad-Eye, with his infernal clunking leg. Suddenly a crash, then a muttered curse, confirmed my suspicions. I smiled to myself and continued playing; I knew from experience that she preferred to clean up her own messes. Those dainty footsteps came up the kitchen stairs and stopped outside the door. I knew she knew that I knew she was there, but true to my nature I waited a few minutes before acknowledging her presence. Taking a deep breath, I finally lifted my eyes to her. Oh, she was a vision, leaning against the door frame, in her true un-morphed form.. Large grey eyes watched me; her natural chocolate brown hair was so long now that it fell to her mid-back, even when pulled into a loose ponytail; the ends of which she plays with over one shoulder. She must have been trying to sleep, as her petite frame was still clothed in her pajamas: a tight black long-sleeved shirt, lounge pants in a Snitch print in her Hufflepuff house colors, and fluffy black slippers. In her other hand was a squat crystal glass filled with an odd, pale tan-colored liquid. "That's nice" she said quietly, gesturing towards me and the piano "I didn't know you played. What is that called?" "It's Bach, 'Well-Tempered Clavier'" I answer, before turning my attention back to the music sheet in front of me. I still can't get over the change in her in the last few months. The old Nymphadora would have lumbered clumsily into the room and loudly asked me 'what that bloody terrible racket' was. She now inches a little further into the room, as if unsure how welcome her presence is. "Do you mind if I stay, Severus?" _Merlin, I love how she says my name.. _"I couldn't sleep" The 'again' went unsaid. "Please" I nod to the loveseat nearest to the piano. "And what is that nauseating concoction you're drinking?" That earned me a ghost of a smile. "Watered-down firewhiskey" she murmurs sheepishly "Sometimes it helps me sleep, without the hangover" I can't help but slip into a full-on Snape-sneer: "Ah, the big badass Auror can't hold her liquor?" This time I'm rewarded with a small but real laugh. She never was one to be intimidated by me, even when she was my student.. And I still respect her for that. "No, I'm afraid to say I can't!" She chuckles softly, then falls silent, just listening to me play.

After a while, I sneak a glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She's curled up on the loveseat, her head against the back, watching the fireplace; her knees are tucked into her chest as if she's holding herself together, and she's still drinking that putrid firewhiskey mix. "How long has it been?" I ask, switching seamlessly into 'Canon in D'. "Six months" she answers, without looking away from the fireplace. "He managed to send me a Patronus about two months ago. He's surviving; he still doesn't know when he'll be back" She doesn't elaborate and I don't ask: I have no interest in knowing what other excuses the damn werewolf has given her for staying away so long, leaving her broken and alone. I hear her sniffling back tears, and regret bringing the subject up, no matter how scarcely. She's silent again, and after a while I hear the 'thunk' of her setting the empty glass on the floor. I hear her get up, and then again sense her coming closer. She sits on the piano bench next to me. After a few moments she puts her head on my shoulder, and I have to clench my jaw to keep concentrating. She doesn't know what she does to me; she has no idea that I've been helplessly in love with her for the last three years. She has no bloody clue how much it _killed_ me to watch her and Lupin do their flirtation dance for two years before finally colliding. And hopefully she has no idea that I hope the werewolf never comes back.. But oh, how I do love her.. What I feel for Nymphadora makes what I thought I felt for Lily Evans look like a passing fondness. Somehow this lovely young metamorph wrapped herself around my cold heart, warming it again with her humor, kindness, and the almost child-like way she views the world: even in the middle of a war, she still manages to find the beauty and goodness in the most mundane everyday things. Who else do I know that gets so excited about seeing the first snowfall of the winter, so much so that she managed to drag the entire Order, myself included, out to Hogsmead one night for a massive snowball fight? I smirked at the memory; I know I won't soon forget the sight of the snowball I'd slyly lobbed at Kingsley, slowly sliding off the regal Auror's bald head. Nymphadora's laughter and life had been as infectious as always that night, and even as I watched her and Lupin share a stolen kiss, I knew it was that moment that I realized I loved her.

The feel of her moving even closer breaks me out of my thoughts, and I almost stumble over the next notes of the song. I turn my head slightly and brush the lightest kiss on top of her head, pausing to just breathe her in. She smells of lavender, lemons, and firewhiskey, making her even more intoxicating to me than usual. I hope she can't hear my breath hitch, but then she leans over and removes my hands from the keys. I turn to face her fully; she's so close I can see the flecks of blue in her grey eyes, how long her eyelashes are, every curve and contour of her fine, small features. She laces her fingers through mine and shifts even closer. I let go of her hands and slip one arm around her, brushing a wisp of hair out of her eyes with the other hand. I let my fingers trail softly down her cheek, over her lips, and finally cup my hand around the back of her neck and bring her mouth to mine. All of my fears and insecurities, as well as the rest of the world, simply falls away as our mouths move together. She responds more than I thought she would, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck and pressing herself to me. I know deep down that she's only doing this out of loneliness, and that I should _not_ be taking advantage of her vulnerability; but she just feels so damn good that I can't pull away. I have been waiting far too long for this.. I shift her around so that she's sitting on my lap, and reach up to pull her hair free of its ponytail. I run my fingers through the curls till they are falling over both of our shoulders. They smell of lavender.. I deepen the kiss and run my tongue lightly against hers as she opens her mouth. She tastes of firewhiskey.. She sighs and tangles her fingers in my hair, and I do the same to her. Merlin, I love her _so_ much.. I pull back slightly and kiss my way down her jaw to her neck. She shivers, especially as I slip my hand under her shirt, stroking the soft skin at the small of her back. Her hands move from my hair to grip my shoulders; her head falls back and she whimpers my name as I brush my lips down her fragrant throat. "Nymphadora" I breathe, pulling her mouth back down to mine. Through my haze of bliss I slowly become aware of her small fingers starting to unbutton my shirt. I pull back quickly; looks like my conscience is finally starting to catch up with the rest of me. I rest my forehead against hers as we both catch our breaths. Lifting her hair off her shoulders, I look her square in the eye "Are you sure this is what you really want?" "Yes" she whispers. Her trembling hands run up my chest to grip at my shoulders again. "I'm so cold, Severus. Sometimes I feel like I'll never be warm again" Her voice cracks and she moves close to me, laying her head once again on my shoulder. She makes me feel strong, like I really can protect her against this damn war as well as all the other evils of the world. I stroke her hair and press soft kisses to her temple, her cheek, her jaw. "I just want to take care of you. Will you let me?" I whisper silkily against her ear. "Please" she breathes, without hesitation. I give her a lingering kiss then slowly stand up, keeping her securely in my arms. Turning, I Apparate us both to her room.

She reaches behind me to close and lock the door, then takes her wand from the nightstand and lights a single candle. I carry her to the bed, nuzzling her neck, and lay her gently among the tangled sheets and blankets. Taking my own wand out of my pocket, I cast a Silencing and Imperturbable around the room. Mad-Eye and his vigilance can kiss my ass; I'd never let any harm come to this precious creature. Smiling gently at Nymphadora, I cross the room and stretch out on the bed next to her. The soft pink sheets smell of lemon.. I reach out and pulled her into my arms; she lays her head on my chest and goes back to unbuttoning my shirt, slipping her hand inside and nestling even closer. I stroke her hair with one hand, resting the other on the bare strip of skin at her waist. I can't breathe.. Even if this is as far as things go, I will wake up a happy man as long as I wake up with her still in my arms.

But then those pale elegant hands start untucking my shirt. Rolling on to my side, I let her take it off of me completely. She runs her hands lightly up my chest, and the feel of her touch on my bare skin scrambles me so much that I have to force myself not to pounce on her then and there. That is until she breathed the three words that were my undoing: "Kiss me, Severus.." I was only too happy to comply to her every demand, and the next few minutes passed in a blur of lips and hands and arms and legs that leave us breathless and tangled together in just our underwear. Taking a ragged breath, I try to gain some semblance of control. I'm not a naïve man; I know this is a one-time deal, and I'm going to savor every second. I want to touch all of her, taste all of her, _know_ all of her.. I look into her steel-grey eyes; they're full of a desire that surprises me. Tracing the lines of her face, I breathe kisses to her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks, before kissing her with everything I have. "You're so beautiful" I whisper against her mouth, not because I feel I need to, but because she is. To me, she is the most beautiful woman in the world.. She arches her head back, giving me full access to her neck, which I take complete advantage of. Her fingers are raking through my hair and I feel the light pinch of her nails on my back as my mouth closes on her perfect breast. Nuzzling her gently, I slide my free hand over her other breast, then trail a teasing line down her stomach before coming to rest just under the waistband of her low-slung underwear. I pause, suddenly uncertain. She takes my hand and urges it down, murmuring something incoherent as I slide them off of her. I nip my way up her shapely legs, pausing once again at her upper thigh. She answers my silent question with a loud, needy whimper, her legs falling open. "Sweetheart" I whisper reverently, before going to where we both need and want for me to be.

Nearly too soon for me, I feel her shudder strongly and then she's pulling me towards her, burrowing her face in my chest. I hold her tightly, breathing words I can't even remember against her soft hair. This is all uncharted territory for me. On the rare occasion that I am with a woman, I'm used to taking what I want, with little or no regard to anyone's needs but my own. With Nymphadora, I find myself hanging by, waiting for her next command. Very unusual, but I am not saying I don't like it.. And her next command becomes quite clear as she slides her hand slowly down my side, tugging my boxers off my hips. I shift around the help the process, and she finishes the job with her toes. I have to stifle a very un-manly chuckle as her foot passes over a particularly sensitive spot behind me knee. She giggles into my neck, her warm breath only upping the goosebumps factor. "Ticklish?" she breathes, kissing her way up my neck and across my jaw. I'm dangerously close to being complete putty in her hands; then those hands are slipping down my chest and between my legs, her touch managing to be at the same time light and teasing as well as seductive and wanting. "Not quite there" I laugh breathlessly, before rolling her onto her back and kissing her deeply. She shifts her legs so that I'm laying in the cradle of her body. Looking into her eyes, I hold her tightly, pushing slowly into her. Whispering my name, she closes her eyes and we hold each other close as we start to move together. Her hands are everywhere: in my hair, gripping my shoulders, sliding down my back as she wraps her legs around my waist and pulls me even deeper into her. I kiss her slowly and gently, our tongues swirling together, as my own hands drift from her hair to her face to her breast, before settling in the tiny space left between our bodies. She cries out and her entire body seems to tighten around mine as she matches my every movement. But I have to slow down, I have to make this last as long as possible, to hold and cherish her for as long as I can. But the momentum can't be stopped, especially as our kisses become almost desperate. With a final squeeze I feel her shuddering under me once again, and I'm right there with her, as we hold onto each other for dear life. Falling still, I looked into her eyes; her own widen after a second, and I know everything that I feel for her, everything that I want to say but am too scared to, is written all over my face. But I don't care. At that moment, I give myself to her; the man I used to be, the man I am now, and the man that I want to be for her, I give her everything that I am. She looks at me in what can only be described as wonder, then kisses me lovingly and lowers my head to her chest. I go willingly, burying my face in her neck and holding her tightly. Her hand strokes my hair and she wraps her other arm around my shoulders, holding me much the same way that I held her when we first lay down.

After a few minutes I fear that I'm getting too heavy for her, so I roll on to my back, tucking her head under my chin. Is it my imagination, a trick of the lighting, or are there really a few pale pink hairs mixed in with the rick brown? Shaking my head at my own romantic nonsense, I close my eyes as she settles herself across my chest, pulling a blanket over us. I feel like I should say something, but I can't think of anything but the obvious: that I love her more now than I ever did before, that she's a part of me and I don't think I can ever bear to let her go. I finally just decide to let her take the lead. I know her; if she wants to say something, she will. Fortunately she seems contented with silence, and burrows herself deeper into my arms, and my heart. We lay like this for a long while, just breathing each other in, taking and giving comfort. At least, I know she is. I cannot let myself believe that this is anything more than comfort sex to her; she'll never know that it means so much more to me.

She's so still that I think she's fallen asleep, then her fingers start dancing lightly across my chest and sides. "What are you doing?" I rumble against her hair. She grins up at me playfully and whatever's left of my heart just stops. She kisses a soft line up from my chest to my shoulder to my neck, following the path on my other side with her light little fingers. She's getting warmer.. Those soft lips and fingers finally hit the right spot at the same time, where my collarbone meets my neck. I don't bother stopping the laugh that's bubbling over, and make a very half-hearted attempt to wriggle away. If she wants to explore my body looking for tickle spots, I'm all too willing to let her. That is until she takes my hand and places it lightly but decisively on her breast. I must say I do like this idea _much_ better.. I once again roll her onto her back, kissing her fiercely. What was before slow and gentle quickly becomes passionate and frantic, and is over far, far too soon. But who am I to complain, I think, as I collapse in a breathless heap on top of her. We're both breathing heavily and seem to have lost the power of coherent speech and thought, as we mumble sexy nonsense to each other. Laughing erratically, I kiss her with all the love and feeling in my heart, as those three words once again make a futile bid for freedom. She wraps herself around me, kissing me back with equal passion, and I can't help but wonder.. But no, this is just comfort sex. Really passionate, amazing, mind-blowing comfort sex, maybe, but I will not let myself be fooled into thinking it means to her what it does to me. Squeezing my eyes closed, I lose myself quickly in the feeling of her lips on mine; I can't seem to stop kissing her or touching her, nor do I ever want to. And amazingly enough I feel my need for her rising once again. Well isn't this a night for surprises..

Her giggle this time is the sexiest sound I've ever heard, as is her breathy moan when I slide easily into her again. Something feels different this time, though. The passionate playfulness of before is giving away to something deeper and more meaningful. And even more intense than the first time. Our eyes lock and I feel like I can see into her heart and soul. As she reaches up and brushes my hair back then caresses my face, I try to silently convey to her that she holds both of mine in her beautiful hands. I am 100% hers till the end of..whatever this is. She arches up and shifts her legs, pulling me as deeply into her as possible. "I can't get close enough to you" she whimpers against my neck. "I know, Sweetheart" I moan back softly "Neither can I" I hold her as close and tightly as I can, kissing her slowly as we move together. I'm so lost in her; she's all I can feel, taste, and see. And I know, with a sudden confidence that comes from who-knows-where, that she feels the same. Especially as nearly screams my name and shudders violently under me. I smooth her damp hair back, whispering that sweet nonsense to her again as I kiss her eyes, her nose, her delicious mouth. I love her for a few more sadly short minutes before melting into her, kissing her neck and collarbone, marveling at how the moonlight and our shared sweat turns her pale skin luminous. She is perfect. I feel both of our bodies slowly start to relax, and raise my head to kiss her. Her lovely eyes are full of emotions, too many for me to read. She opens her mouth, as if to say something, then stops and pulls me down to her. I kiss her deeply as I roll us over. I don't know how long we stayed like that, her laying across my chest, her hands on my face and in my hair; mine on the back of her head and fanned across her shoulder blades, keeping her pressed tightly to me. I didn't think it was possible to love her any more, but I was so very wrong. In these few precious hours, she's become my entire world; I will fight for her if that's what it comes to. We finally part, and she gives me this sleepy, satisfied smile that is just so charming, so utterly Nymphadora. "Sleep, Darling" I whisper as she snuggles against my chest, rearranging the tangled blankets over us and extinguishing the single candle. I feel her relax completely against me as I trail a finger lightly up and down her spine. As her breathing becomes slow and even, I feel like it's safe to say the words that I just can't keep inside anymore. "I love you, Nymphadora", I breathe into her silky hair. As I start to drift off to sleep, I could swear I feel her arms tightening around me..


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone.. Well, this story wasn't as well received as I'd hoped, but it wouldn't leave me alone so I'm cramming it down your throats anyway! I do hope that at least some of you are enjoying seeing a different side to Professor Snape. Keeping the same song, as it just fits them perfectly. Thanks to JK Rowling for letting me & so many others play with her toys.. Enjoy!**

**.com/watch?v=iIMJPlDiI3w**

**Lavender, Lemon, and Firewhiskey**

**Chapter 2**

Tonks woke up to the bright sun filling her room. Checking the antique clock on her nightstand, she wasn't surprised to see that it was after noon. Stretching, she reached over, her hand brushing the side of the bed where Severus had slept; it was cold. Telling herself she shouldn't be disappointed, she shrugged into her violet silk robe and headed for her private bathroom. Frowning at the knock that sounded on her door, she sighed, pulling her robe tighter. "Not now, Mad-Eye.." she called out. "Nymphadora? It's Severus. May I please come in?" Shocked, to say the least, she pulled the lapels of her robe closer together and opened the door. Severus stood there, balancing a tray with numerous silver-domed plates, wearing a thin grey t-shirt, black silk pajama pants, and an endearingly nervous smile. "Hi" she whispered shyly "Good morning. Or, well, afternoon now I supposed" She tilted her head to the side, not even realizing she was staring till he asked again if he could come in."Oh! Of course, sorry.." She stood back and waved him inside, sealing the door behind him. Chewing on a fingernail, she followed him as he carefully set the full tray on the nightstand. He smiled softly at her over his shoulder as he lifted the lids off the plates. "I remember you telling Molly once how much you loved her French toast. I'm sure I haven't duplicated it exactly, but I hope it's still satisfactory" This time she couldn't stop staring, so Severus cleared his throat and continued. "Strawberries, clotted cream.." More silent staring.. "Earl Grey Breakfast Blend.. Nymphadora?" "Huh?" He was looking at her, one eyebrow raised expectantly. "Right, sorry.. It all looks amazing, Severus. Thank you, you didn't have to go through so much trouble" "No trouble at all" he whispered, reaching over and smoothing an unruly curl behind her ear. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to lean against that strong chest and feel his arms around her again. As if he'd read her mind, he lightly brushed her cheek, then held out his arms with a gentle smile. Taking a shuddering breath, she held on to him tightly, only relaxing when his arms came around her and pulled her even closer. He tucked her head under his chin, stroking her hair as he rocked her gently. Sighing contently, she slipped her hand under his shirt, lightly stroking his back; he was so warm.. "Nymphadora.." he whispered, tilting her chin and kissing her slowly.

She buried her face in his neck as they parted, knowing she was clinging to him but unable to stop. "What's wrong?" he whispered, brushing light kisses to her temple and cheek, before resting his forehead on her shoulder. "Nothing.." she murmured. He pulled back, running his fingers through her hair as he eyed her dubiously. Blushing, she smiled slightly and lowered her eyes. "I..I guess I wasn't sure what to expect when I woke up. Part of me wanted you to still be here, and that part was disappointed when you're weren't. I'm just..confused" Severus laid his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry, of course you are.. I should have left, I'll go now" He let go of her and started towards the door. "Severus, no!" Tonks cried, reaching for his hand. "I never said I wanted you to leave!" He turned back, griping her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Nymphadora. I'm so sorry.. I don't know what to do. I want to do right by you. Tell me what to do, please.." he voice broke. She grabbed his chin, kissing him hard then lightly stroking his face. "I don't know what to do either" she whispered "But I know I don't want you to leave" She pulled back and took his hand, tugging him toward the bed. "Lay down with me. Just..hold me"

Nodding once, Severus slid back into the soft, welcoming sheets, pulling Nymphadora against him and holding her tightly. She sighed and snuggled closer, draping a slim leg over his. He loved the feeling of her against him, loved every sensation: the smooth silk of her robe under his hands, the warmth of her breath as it seeped through his thin shirt, the way her arms held him tightly. He ran his hands through her hair, just watching the curls fall through his fingers. She lifted her head slightly to press a soft kiss under his chin, then lightly ran her hand in soothing circles over his chest. This feeling of peace and contentment was heady.. He could very easily get used to it, which frightened him. He needed to leave before his heart was completely shattered, though he knew deep down it was already too late. He stiffened and pulled away, sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to her. "Severus? What's wrong?" She reached over and ran a hand down his back. Now.. He had to leave now or he'd never be able to. "I really should go, Nymphadora" He started across the room "I need to get back to Hogwarts" "Hogwarts? But Severus, it's Sunday. Surely you don't have to leave now.." He made the mistake of turning and looking at her. She sat, clutching that robe to her neck, her hair falling all down her shoulders and back, looking at him with a slightly lost expression. He felt his heart being ripped in two, a feeling he was not in the least unfamiliar with. "Nymphadora" he groaned, pulling his hair as he paced the large room. "I can't do this, I can't just be a distraction to you, something to keep you occupied and warm your bed until Lupin comes back" She gasped, looking at him as if he'd struck her. "Is that really what you think? How _dare_ you.." "What else am I supposed to think?" he interrupted her angrily "I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that someone like you could actually have feelings for me. I'm not a fool Nymphadora. I know what last night meant" "Then explain it to me!" she shouted, rising to her knees on the bed "If you think you know bloody everything, then tell me what last night was!"

He reached for her wand on the nightstand and cast a Silencing charm on the room, then leaned in close. "You don't know who I am, Nymphadora" His voice was dangerously low and she couldn't stop herself from inching away. "I'm not a good man. I've lied, I've tortured, I've _killed_, for God's sake! I've done things your young, innocent mind couldn't even _begin_ to comprehend." "I'm not a child, Severus!" she shouted, rising on her knees again and shoving him back "So I'd bloody appreciate it if you'd stop talking to me like one! And I know everything that you've done! Do you honestly think Dumbledore didn't tell me, or anyone else in the Order who wanted to know? 'Trust him' was not enough for some of you, you know!" "Then how could you let me, why did you.." He broke off, pacing again. "I heard what you said last night, when you thought I'd fallen asleep" He fell still, standing with his head down, but kept his back to her. "So you listen to me and you listen hard, Severus Snape.. I've seen a side to you in the last six months that I would bet very few, if any, people have seen. You've protected me, taken care of me, practically kept me alive.. _That's_ the man you really are, Severus. _That's_ the man I'm falling in love with!" He whirled around at that, rushing to the side of the bed and pulling her to him. "Say it again" he whispered, searching her face as he held her tightly by the shoulders. She reached up and laid a hand against his cheek. "I love you" she breathed, quietly but surely. "Again" he murmured, sliding his hands up to cup her face. "I love you" she choked out through her tears, as his mouth closed on hers..

"I love you, I always have" Severus whispered when they parted, tearing up as well but not caring in the slightest; he knew she wouldn't judge him. Indeed, she simply reached up and pulled him in for another kiss, slipping her tongue teasingly into his mouth. He moaned softly, sliding his arms from her back to her waist and slowly undoing the knot of her robe. Slipping his hands inside, he took a moment to just savor the warmth and softness of her skin, before sliding it off until it fell at his feet in a pool of silk. Stepping back slightly, he ran his eyes and hands over her bare skin till she pulled him to her, kissing him hungrily. He paused for a moment to let her tugging hands pull his shirt off, then lowered her carefully back onto the bed. As he settled on top of her, he knew he wasn't going back to Hogwarts today, or anywhere else for that matter. Not to mention all the time he had spent on that brunch..

Tonks woke up this time to a darkening room, and the feeling of Severus' fingers trailing lightly from her waist to her shoulder, then down her arm and back again. She stayed still, despite the goosebumps, just enjoying his touch; until he moved her hair aside and started kissing her neck. "Mmm" she murmured, turning her head so his lips brushed against hers. "Wotcher" she breathed, smiling. "Hello" he whispered, turning her to face him and kissing her full on the mouth. "What time is it?" she muttered, when she could speak again. He looked over her head at the clock, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. "Nearly seven. I believe we've wasted the day away, my love" "I wouldn't exactly call it wasted, now, would you really?" She ran her foot lightly up and down his leg, remembering the sensitive spot right behind his knee. He laughed and rolled her onto her back, kissing her until she saw stars. "No, I defiantly would not call it wasted" he whispered, staring into her eyes; his were full of a tenderness she never thought she'd see in him. Reaching up, she pulled him down for a quick but searing kiss, then pushed him onto his back and rolled onto her stomach, her chin resting on his chest. "So..you've always loved me, you say? Care to elaborate?" She giggled at the horrified expression on his face. "Don't feel like sharing? I told you, it's only fair" She reached up and played with the ends of his hair. "No, no it's alright. I'll tell you" He took her hand and kissed it, then laid her palm against his cheek. "I was only joking Severus, really. It's ok"

"No, I want to tell you" And oddly enough, he really meant it. He smoothed back her hair, kissing her forehead, then laced his fingers through hers. "I guess I've always respected you, even when you were my student. As infuriating as you could be" She giggled again as he pinched the tip of her nose "You never backed down, never seemed afraid of me. I knew you had great talent, that's why I pushed you so hard. I knew you could be anything you wanted" She lifted her head from his chest, looking at him quizzically. "When I signed up for Auror Training, Mad-Eye said a good deal of my acceptance came from an anonymous reference from a Hogwarts professor. Was..was that you?" "Yes, it was" he answered softly "I told you, I believed you could be anything you wanted" Grinning hugely, she stretched up and kissed him hard. "Thank you" She smiled against his mouth, then slid back down his chest again, cupping her chin in her hand. "Go on" she said cheekily. Laughing, he ruffled her hair. "I just told you about an act of complete selflessness, and you want more?" "Of course" she grabbed his hand and kissed it. He was quiet for a moment, trying to think of where to start, twirling a silky curl around his finger. "I guess I really started feeling something for you when you joined the Order. I saw what you'd made of yourself and I couldn't help but feel proud. And then you came right over and greeted me like an old friend!" She burst out laughing at that. "And, if I remember correctly, you asked me if I had been hitting Sirius' stash of Firewhiskey, then turned around a walked off!" He looked away, embarrassed. "Yes, sorry about that" She scooted up his chest to turn his head and kiss him again. "Being snarky is part of your charm, Severus" she teased, then nuzzled his neck for a moment before, sadly, resuming her place at his chest. "Well" he cleared his throat "After a while, I realized I was actually looking forward to the meetings I used to dread, because I knew I would see you" She blushed prettily at that, her dark lashes sweeping over her high cheekbones. "I looked forward to seeing you too. I'd always hoped we could be friends. But you never really sought me out. Why? I was always glad and willing to talk to you" He cupped her lovely face gently in both of his hands. "I am sorry. I was not intentionally brushing you off. Or maybe I was, I don't know. Black always kept his eye on you, as did Lupin. We don't exactly have the best history.." "It's ok, I know. They've told me" she whispered, covering his hands with her own. He took a deep breath and continued "Anyway, I figured it would be in everyone's best interest if I avoided any kind of confrontation with them. And then.. Well, we all noticed something was going on between you and Lupin. So I pulled away even more. I wasn't going to stand in your way; he's the better man for you anyway, Nymphadora.." He suddenly couldn't speak past the lump in his throat. She squeezed his hands tightly. "_He_ left _me_, Severus. Yes, Dumbledore asked him to go, but he didn't even put up a fight. He said it was probably for the best, he was too dangerous for me anyway. I wonder if he ever even really loved me.." Her voice trailed off as she lowered her head to hide her tears. He griped her waist and shifted her up so they were face to face. "I can't answer that, Nymphadora. But I can tell you one thing for certain: I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. And I know I never will" She was crying freely now, and he was as well. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was her, and this moment..

Tonks didn't even bother trying to brush her tears away; she knew, as Severus leaned forward to kiss her like he never had before, that more were sure to follow. She held on to him tightly as he rolled her over, making love to her so gently, his eyes never leaving hers. He lifted her up so he could wrap both his arms around her, holding her so close and so tightly that she didn't know where he ended and she began. Every touch, every sensation seemed magnified. He ignited a fire in her that she had never felt before, and if she were honest with herself, it confused her even more. Was this real, true love? Or just heightened passion and lust? As she looked into his beautiful onyx eyes, she knew in her heart that the love shinning from them was real. And that gave her the courage to open her broken heart to him and let him in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Lavender, Lemon, and Firewhiskey**

**Chapter 3**

**Song: Mumford & Sons "The Cave"**

**.com/watch?v=sJcvLyoAAnk&ob=av3n**

_It's empty in the valley of your heart  
>The sun, it rises slowly as you walk<br>Away from all the fears  
>And all the faults you've left behind<em>

Tonks sighed as she waited for her tea to brew; she just didn't have the concentration for cooking spells this morning, even the most simple. It had been almost three weeks since she and Severus had made love, since he had sworn to her that he loved her and she had started to let herself believe him and love him back. Almost three weeks, and she hadn't seen or heard from him since. No owl, no note slipped to her during the two Order meetings over that time, nothing. She jumped as the kettle whistled for her attention, then slammed down her mug and poured the steaming tea into it, splashing everywhere and not giving a damn. She couldn't believe she had been so weak and stupid as to trust him. He had obviously gotten what he wanted, and she was being cast aside once again. Same story, different bloke.. Suddenly the distinctive clunk of Mad-Eye's leg announced his arrival.

"Morning, Mad-Eye" she muttered, without turning "Fancy a cuppa?"

She finally turned when it became apparent that he wasn't answering. He just stood in the doorway, fixing her with such a look that she actually recoiled.

"Mad-Eye?" she whispered "What is it, what's wrong? Is it..is it Remus?"

Her legs faltered and she fell into the nearest chair.

"No" Mad-Eye grunted "Lupin's still fine, as far as I know"

"Well, what is it then?" she muttered, in no mood for his games.

"I thought I knew you, Tonks" he muttered almost sadly, clumping to the table but not sitting down "After all this time, all we've been though, I really thought I knew you"

Tonks slammed down her mug once again, gaping at the man she considered to be her best mate "What the bloody hell are you talking about?" she cried

"_Snape" _Severus' name rolled off his tongue like the foulest curse word. He finally sat across from her, gripping the edge of the table "Why Tonks? I know Lupin hurt you terribly, but why _Snape_?"

Tonks buried her face in her hands. She knew there was no point in denying things. "How?" she whispered

Mad-Eye cleared his throat, sounding almost uncomfortable. Tonks peered at him through her fingers.

"It was a few weeks ago.. I was coming down to the kitchen, and I saw him though the door. First I didn't think much of it, he's always coming and going as he bloody well pleases, and I almost went in. Then I noticed what he was cooking: Molly's French Toast? Strawberries? On a serving tray? It would take a much less observant man than myself to know what he was up to lass.."

Tonks blushed, finally removing her hands from her face and meeting his gaze. He no longer looked angry, and was regarding her with an almost sympathetic expression.

"Do you want to, erm, talk about it?"

"Are you hoping I'll say no?" she challenged, quirking an eyebrow.

"Don't be cheeky, girl. Lupin left you in my care.." He held up a hand to silence her as she started to protest. "Yes yes, I know. You think you don't need protecting. But this is war, Tonks. _Everyone_ needs protecting. And you know I would be doing it anyway. Now, tell me what's going on. We can't have you being distracted"

Tonks started into her tea for a few long moments, not even knowing where to start or if she even wanted to. She felt Mad-Eye's hard stare on her, and knew he wasn't going to give up until she talked.

"The morning you saw him..that night was the first time" she started slowly.

Bit by bit the story came out: from that first night and how she felt when he told her he loved her and when she realized that she had feelings for him too, to the two times she'd seen him since at the meetings, when he'd barely met her eyes. She had to admit she did feel better, getting it all out like this.

"I don't know what to think, Mad-Eye" she finished softy "Does he really love me? Or did he just take what he wanted and now he's done?"

Never in a million years did she think she would be asking Mad-Eye Moody for advice on her pathetic love-life; it was laughable, really. Mad-Eye regarded her silently for a good while, until she started squirming, feeling like a moth pinned to the wall. When he finally spoke, his voice was uncharacteristically gentle.

"Do you love him, Tonks?"

She didn't even have to think before answering.

"Yes" she whispered "I don't know when or how it happened, and so much of me still loves Remus. But yes, I am in love with Severus"

Again, it felt awfully good to admit that to someone other than herself, or the occasional inanimate object.

"Well then, what are you doing to do about it?" He was once again the surly Mad-Eye she knew and loved.

"I..I don't know" she stammered truthfully.

"What do you mean you don't know?" he growled "The Nymphadora Tonks I know wouldn't be sitting here crying into her tea to an old man. She'd be facing this head-on, like the Auror she is! Have I not taught you anything, child?"

She shook her head, laughing. This was why she loved Mad-Eye: he had a way of stripping things down to the very basics, making you look past emotion and strait to logic. It was what made him such a brilliant Auror and mentor. And friend.

"You're right.. You're right! I'll talk to him, settle this whole mess once and for all"

"That's my girl" he thumped his cane loudly on the floor for emphasis "Now, what's your schedule for today, eh?"

"Well, I'll be at work until four, then I'm guarding Hogsmead from six till midnight"

She checked Remus' antique pocketwatch that he'd given her to guard. She needed to go..

Mad-Eye rose with her, Summoning her cup to the sink as she shrugged into her Auror robes and grabbed her cloak and scarf. Turning, she looked back at Mad-Eye with a smirk. Knowing what she wanted, he gave a resigned sigh and stood still as she hugged him, quickly patting her back then readjusting her scarf so that it covered her ears before rewrapping it around her neck.

"It's cold out this morning.. Stay safe" he muttered sharply, then turned her around and gave her a light shove towards the door.

She giggled and smiled at him over her shoulder, feeling better already.

"Bye Mad-Eye" she waved, as she pulled on her gloves and Apparated to work.

Tonks sat at her desk a short while later, alternating between twirling her hair around her fingers and sipping from the coffee Kingsley had just placed on the desk. She stared disbelievingly at the pile of paperwork in front of her. It was full of errors: a jumble of simple mistakes, misspelled words, and wrong dates. She knew she had been out of it for a while, but she was shocked that something like this had escaped Scrimgeour's attention. Tying her hair back into a messy knot, she got to work. She was so engrossed that when Kingsley' appeared over the half-wall in front of her desk, she thought he was merely there for their customary mid-morning coffee chat.

"Hey Kiddo" he greeted her, an amused lilt to his deep voice.

"Wotcher" she returned, not even looking up "I hope that coffee's stronger than the last one, Shacklebolt. I'm knackered already" She finally looked up when she heard his rumbling chuckle "What's funny?"

"You. It's four in the afternoon, Tonks. Have you eaten anything all day? Have you even left this desk?"

She actually had to think about that one for a minute.. "No" she admitted sheepishly "I didn't realize what a mess I've been making of things lately. How could Scrimgeour not have noticed any of this?"

She made a sweeping gesture to the parchments strewn haphazardly across her desk, of course knocking over a stack in the process.

"I've, uh, I've been sort of covering for you, Tonks"

"What?" Tonks cried, sitting up too quickly from retrieving her papers and bumping her head on the desk "Ow" she muttered "Well, I suppose I needed that"

Kingsley chuckled with her, then pulled a chair up to her desk and sat down. "I've just been looking over your work before handing it over to Scrimgeour, is all. Part of my job as a Senior Auror anyway, but..You've been though Hell lately Tonks. Just trying to help in any way I can"

Tonks reached across her desk and squeezed Kingsley's hand with her free one.

"Thanks Kingsley" she said warmly "I really appreciate it. I'm going to try to do better, I promise. This..this isn't me"

"No, it's not" he agreed frankly "So I expect to see improvement, Auror Tonks" he winked at her, then leaned forward and lowered his voice "Now, don't you have _somewhere_ to be at six?"

"Yes, I believe you are correct, Auror Shacklebolt" she matched his teasing tone as she shuffled her papers back in to some sort of order and tossed them in to a box covered in moving Weird Sisters stickers "I have somewhere to, um, go first, an errand. So I should run"

She stood and quickly gathered her things, throwing on her cloak and tossing her scarf haphazardly around her neck.

"Wait" Kingsley held her back with a large hand on her shoulder, waving his wand with the other hand and Summoning a sandwich from the deli downstairs "Here" he handed it to her with a small smile.

"Thanks. See you" She stood on her tip-toes to peck Kingsley on the cheek then hurried off, a plan forming in her mind.

_But I will hold on hope  
>And I won't let you choke<br>On the noose around your neck_

Tonks walked quickly from the Ministry to the Apparation point for Hogsmead, cramming her sandwich down in the process. She had just under an hour, and a lot to say.. Finally reaching Hogsmead, she scurried into an alleyway and tried to calm her nerves enough to morph. Looking around, she was glad to see there were still a few student left straggling around, reluctant to end their outing. If she hurried, she should be able to blend in fine. Squeezing her eyes shut, she felt the familiar shiver go through her body. It had been so long since she'd tried even the simplest morph; she hoped she could hold a full-body one long enough to sneak into the castle and back out again.. After a few seconds, she pulled back her cloak to look over her new form. For some reason, the first student that came to her mind was Fred Weasley's girlfriend Angelina Johnson. Smoothing her hair, she stepped out of the alleyway and made her way to Hogawarts as the tall, striking black girl. She slipped inside the castle with a small group of students, then managed to make her way down to the dungeons while everyone one else hurried to the Great Hall for dinner. Reaching Severus' office, she paused once more to gather herself, then rapped loudly on the door.

"Yes?" the familiar bored drawl he reserved for students and faculty floated through the heavy wood.

"It..it's Angelina Johnson, Sir. I was wondering if I could ask you a question about today's assignment..Sir"

"I suppose" he sighed loudly "Just make it quick"

She entered the room, closing the door behind her and casting a silent _Muffliato _charm. Severus didn't even look up as she entered, so she snapped her fingers to get his attention as she morphed back into herself. His head flew up, and he just gaped at her for a moment.

"Nymphadora!" he finally cried, dropping his quill with an inky splat "This..this is a surprise!"

"I'll bet" she muttered.

She was glad she kept her post by the door, as it was the only thing holding her up right now. The sight of him, sitting at his strangely ornate desk cluttered with potion ingredients and books, completely unnerved her. It also brought her feelings into stunning clarity: even after being brushed off and ignored for three weeks by this man, she was still inexplicably in love with him. She gave herself a hard mental shake; maybe it was time she talked to Kingsley about finding her a Mind Healer. Or better yet, just ask Dumbledore to _Obliviate_the last seven months..

The two continue to just stare at each other for a few long moments, then Severus finally rose and came around the other side of his desk, stopping a few feet from her. She pressed her back against the door, fighting the urge to throw herself into his arms and beg him to love her. But wasn't why she was here.. Lifting her chin, she tried her best to regard him imperiously.

"It's good to see you" he said at last, his voice back to the same gentle tone he reserved just for her "You look well. I mean, you look lovely, as always"

He looked down and actually shuffled his feet, looking like a nervous third year on his first Hogsmead date. Tonks took a deep breath and figured she'd better get out what she wanted to say while she could.

"Thank you. And you could have seen me at any time, you know"

He had the grace to blush "Nymphadora.."

"No" she held up her hand "It took a great deal of nerve for me to come here, so please let me finish"

He nodded and backed up until he was leaning against his desk, his arms crossed over his chest.

Sighing, she lifted her sorry arse away from the door and started pacing his office, picking up and putting down books and such as she talked.

"I'm here because it was becoming very apparent that you weren't going to come to me. Why, I don't know. I never gave you any indication that I didn't want to see you again. If anything, just the opposite. I don't know what you think you're doing Severus, but I'm _not_ the kind of girl that just has one-night stands and.."

"Nymphadora, I _never_.."

"I said to let me finish!" she shouted, slamming down a book as the tears she struggled to hide started blinding her "You told me you loved me! I trusted you, I _believed_ you.. I let myself love you too! Was it all just a load of crap, some line to get me into bed? Not very creative really, considering you had already done that.."

She swiped at her tears impatiently, unable to look at him, and not even noticing that she'd made a round of the room and now stood a few feet away from him.

"Why did you do it, Severus?" she whispered, facing the door she longed to run out of "You knew how vulnerable I was. If you don't love me, why did you say it? I want you to tell me the truth. _Now_. If you don't love me, then tell me so I can move on"

She felt his hands, warm and strong, fall on her shoulders. She whirled around to face him at last. His eyes were red and full of tears, his face drawn with misery.

"Nymphadora" he moaned "This is just what I feared, that I was going to hurt you. I told you, I have _no idea_ what I'm doing!"

Tonks gave a dry laugh, but made no move to shake off his hands "I'd say if you were just trying to play me for a fool, you knew exactly what you were doing. And you did it very well"

"No, Merlin no" he whispered, sliding his hands up to cup her face, gently wiping away her tears "I do love you, I love you so much.. Please believe me"

She lifted a trembling hand, placing it over his. "I want to believe you.. But why did you just brush me off like that?"

"I was trying to give you your space, Nymphadora. You said you were confused. I wanted to give you time to sort things out. I figured you were having a hard time trusting me, and I was right. But I see now that I went about it the wrong way, and I'm so very sorry. Please believe me.." He whispered the words as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"I want to, I really do.."

Severus lifted her face, taking a moment to stare into her eyes. He hated the doubt that clouded them, and wanted to throttle Lupin anew for putting it there. Trailing his fingers down her cheek, he took a cautious step closer to her.

"Can I hold you, please?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

She nodded almost franticly, and he pulled her tight against him with a shuddering sigh. It had been torture these last few weeks, not being able to hold her or touch her, and he vowed at that moment to never be so foolish again. She was precious, and deserved to be treated that way. He took her hair out of its loose knot, burying his face in its softness and inhaling the lavender scent that he had dreamt about. He felt her relax against him and trail her fingers lightly up and down his back. Shivering, he pulled back just enough to trace her jaw with his lips before kissing her slowly. She sighed softly, deepening the kiss and lightly licking the corners of his mouth before twining her tongue with his. Moaning, he tangled his fingers in her hair, keeping her mouth pressed against his until they were forced to come up for air a few minutes later.

"Can you stay for a bit?" he whispered huskily against her neck "I need to finish a few things, then we can go"

"Go.." she muttered, slowly coming out of her haze "What time is it?"

"Nearly six" he answered, after looking over his shoulder at his desk clock.

"Dammit!" Tonks cried, breaking free of his arms.

"What's wrong?" he reached for her again.

"I'm sorry Severus, I have to go. I'm guarding Hogsmead until midnight" She had to laugh at the hang-dog expression on his face as he drew her into his arms again.

"Midnight?" he groaned against shoulder "_Please_ tell me you're joking"

"I'm afraid not" she peppered the side of his face with light kisses before capturing his mouth briefly "But tomorrow _is_ Saturday.. So, meet me back at Headquarters at midnight?"

"I'll be there.."

Tonks ran quickly up the steps of Grimmauld Place, feeling lighter and happier than she had in months. She was even wearing her hair back in her favorite pink spikes. She shivered and hugged herself as she tapped her wand on the door, loosening the wards. She couldn't wait to be in Severus' arms again, and hoped he had no objection to not leaving the bed for the entire weekend.. Slipping inside, she relished the sudden warmth as she started to unwind her scarf, listening to the sounds of some sort of spirited debate between Arthur and Mundungus. Grinning, she yanked off her scarf and unbuttoned her robes, eager to find Severus and join her friends for a bit. She was just about to slip out of her cloak when the man in question came hurrying down the stairs.

"Put your cloak back on, quickly! Before they know you're here" He rushed to her side, buttoning her cloak back up as he dropped a quick kiss on her lips.

"What the devil is wrong with you?" she laughed, trying to snake her arms around his neck and draw him in for a proper kiss.

"They've been driving me bloody insane up there, Author and his constant Muggle questions and Molly cramming food down my throat at every turn..I don't know how you stand it!"

Tonks pulled back and glared up at him, hands on her hips.

"I stand '_it' _because they're my friends, Severus, and lovely people to boot. They're just trying to make you feel more welcome. You _could_ make an effort you know, especially now that we're.."

Her words were cut off by his mouth on hers as he kissed her breathless, at the same time managing to wind her scarf back around her neck.

"You're right, of course" he murmured against her neck "But for the time being, if it's all the same to them, I'm taking you away. I _need_ to be alone with you.. Don't worry, I've already cleared it with your warden."

"Well, if Mad-Eye says it's ok.." she nuzzled his cheek, reaching behind her to pull his robes off of their hook and draping them around his shoulders "Then I'm all yours"

He groaned softly against her neck as he maneuvered them both awkwardly to the door, just as Arthur voice was heard calling.

"Snape? Tonks, is that you?"

"Hurry" he muttered, as she dissolved into a fit of giggles and stumbled after him.

"So, Mr. Mysterious" she murmured against his shoulder as they hurried towards the Apparation point "Where are we going?"

"You'll see" he breathed against her hair as he pulled her close and spun them both into the night.

Severus carefully landed them on the doorstep of very run-down looking brownstone, in a neighborhood of equally run-down looking brownstones, separated by alleyways that Mad-Eye would have warned her about. Tonks gripped her wand tightly and looked around as Severus tapped his own against the rotting front door and muttered a few words. Tonks was glad when they were finally inside..

"Where are we?" she whispered, taking in her surroundings as Severus slipped off both of their cloaks and scarves, hanging them by the door.

"Spinner's End.. My home" Severus answered quietly.

Tonks whirled around to face him.

"Your home?" she smiled softly.

"Yes" he approached her, tugging at her pink spikes with a pleading look until she changed them back to normal.

"Thank you" he whispered "You don't know how much I love your hair like this.." He kissed her gently then continued.

"Yes, this is my home. I want you to know something, Nymphadora: no one else knows this place exists except for Dumbledore, he's the Secret Keeper. And yet even he has never been inside"

He smiled and cupped her face in his hands, watching as the realization dawned in her eyes.

"But..but why are you bringing me here?"

"This is something, a part of my private life, which I want to share with you Nymphadora. There will always be secrets that I cannot tell you, out of fear for both of our safeties. And I know you understand that.. But I want to share every part of my life with you that I can, because you _are_ my life.. I love you"

"I love you too.. You have no idea how much this means to me, that you trust me enough.."

She grabbed his hair and pulled him down, kissing him hard then releasing him before he could respond. Shaking his head, he stepped back to let her explore. He watched as she slowly strolled around the living room, running a light finger along the worn velvet upholstery of his furniture and stopping to peer out of a dim window. For the first time, he actually felt almost embarrassed about the dark, colorless world in which he lived. It needed her light; _he_ needed her light. She turned then and gave him one of her heart-stopping impish grins.

"What..?" he asked warily.

"Nothing" she giggled "This is just all so very.._you_, Severus"

He almost asked what she meant by that, but then thought the better of it. Instead he simply enjoyed the view before him. As Nymphadora reached up to touch one of the many books in his collection, her grey jumper rose up a bit, giving him an enticing view of the creamy skin of her back. Unable to stand the distance between them anymore, he crossed the space in two quick strides and wrapped his arms around her tightly from behind. She hummed happily and squeezed his hand, leaning her head back on his shoulder as she continued to examine his books.

"Lots of Muggle subjects here, Severus. Russian literature, Greek philosophy.. What are you reading now?"

"'_How to Seduce Beautiful Witches'._." he deadpanned.

She burst out laughing, then quickly stopped as he smoothed her hair back and started brushing light kisses up and down her neck. Her breath quickened and she reached up to caress his face, then tangled her fingers in his hair.

"Well, I have to say its working" she laughed breathlessly, turning in his arms and kissing him deeply. "Take me to bed" she breathed in his ear as they parted, brushing her lips across his jaw.

Wordlessly he tightened his arms around her, then spun them both upstairs. Tonks gasped as he set her down lightly and she got her first look at his bedroom. It was large and sparsely furnished, the space dominated by a black marble fireplace and a massive antique bed. But what took her breath away were the dozen floating candles that lit up the room, illuminating the bottle of wine, two crystal goblets, and a bowl of strawberries that sat on scattered rose petals in front of the fireplace.

"Oh!" she whispered, touched by this sweet attempt at romance. "So was this in your book, then?" she teased lightly, turning and wrapping her arms back around him.

"No" he murmured seriously, brushing her hair back and softly kissing her forehead. "I know I've been an idiot, and I wanted to make it up to you. Do you like it?"

"I love it.. But I do have one question"

"What's that, love?"

She stood on tiptoe so she could whisper seductively in his ear: "Can you recast the Cooling Charm?"

She grinned as she heard him draw a sharp breath and felt his body respond to her words.

"I think that can be arranged"

Severus flicked his wand quickly towards the fireplace and muttered the charm, then tossed it onto the nightstand and picked Nymphadora up, carrying her to the bed. He set her on down lightly on it, then knelt in front of her and pulled off her heavy Auror boots, pausing to shake his head at her pink and lime-green stripped socks, then pulled those off as well.

"You have a problem with my choice of footwear, Professor?" she asked lightly above him, tickling his sides with her toes.

"Not at all. They're very..sexy"

For some reason, the sound of that word coming out of Severus' mouth, in his refined voice, struck her as extremely funny. Before she could stop, she collapsed back onto the bed in a fit of giggles. She heard Severus sigh and sit back heavily on the floor, but that only made her laugh harder.

"It's a very good thing that I love you.." he muttered dryly, taking off his own shoes and socks and joining her on the bed.

"That it is" she whispered, pulling him on top of her and into a long, slow kiss.

He moaned slowly, brushing her tongue with his own as his hands drifted over her breasts and to her waist. He unbuckled her jeans and slid them off of her as she started unbuttoning his shirt. He was sliding his hands and lips over her legs, moving towards the hem of her jumper, when he felt her shiver and her skin erupt in goosebumps.

"Are you cold, darling?" he whispered against her flat stomach.

"A little" she admitted, shivering again.

"I'm sorry!" he pulled away at once, adjusting them both so that they were lying under the shelter of the thick covers. "Better?"

She nodded and wordlessly pulled him back to her, kissing him hungrily. They made quick work of the rest of their clothing, and then he was finally free to show her just how much he had missed her.

_And I'll find strength in pain  
>And I will change my ways<br>I'll know my name as it's called again_

"You're so beautiful in the firelight" Severus whispered, reaching over to stroke Nymphadora's cheek.

She smiled lovingly at him and leaned over to give him a strawberry-and-wine flavored kiss in response. They were curled up in front of the fireplace, enjoying the remnants of his romance picnic.

"Well" murmured, feeding him another strawberry half "If you weren't forgiven before, you most certainly are now. This has all been so lovely. I..I still can't believe you trust me enough already to bring me here. It means the world to me, truly, Severus"

He set aside their glasses and the strawberry bowl, then pulled her in his arms and shifted them so they were lying down facing each other. Brushing her hair back, he gave her a lingering kiss before answering.

"Of course I trust you, Nymphadora. All these years, you've never given me any reason not to. And you've already given me so much, just by loving me and letting me love you and be with you like this. I feel like this is such an insubstantial repayment.."

She cut him off with a small finger over his lips, which he promptly kissed.

"Love isn't about 'repayment', Severus. Yes, there is give and take in any relationship, but not like that. You've shown me a beautiful gesture, but it was nothing I was waiting in expectation of. I hope you didn't do this just because you thought I was expecting something?"

"No, of course not" he shook his head "I brought you here because this was something I wanted to share with you because I love you, nothing else. Alright?"

"Ok" she smiled ruefully "We have to work on this trust thing.."

"It'll come in time, I'm sure" he murmured, rolling onto his back and easing her head against his chest "We've both been hurt very badly by someone we loved and trusted"

He stroked her hair as she slipped her hand under his shirt, wrapping her arms around his waist shifting until she was lying on top of him, her head tucked under his chin. They laid that way in silence for some time, just watching the flames dance in the fireplace and listening to the peaceful sounds of each other's breathing.

"What did Lily do?" Tonks finally whispered.

She felt Severus stiffen instantly under her, but she felt like this was something she needed to know, something that would begin to give her a clue about the bitterness he still held inside. Rolling back onto her side, she propped herself up on one elbow, running her fingers though his hair as she waited for his answer. He finally spoke slowly, not meeting her eyes, as if he were embarrassed about something.

"It wasn't her fault, really. I never should have said what I did.."

Tonks nuzzled his cheek, silently urging him to continue.

"The events that lead up to it.. Your cousin, Lupin, Potter's father.. It was no excuse though. She was trying to defend me, and I called her..a Mudblood. I begged for her forgiveness, but she would never give in. It was the last time we ever spoke. She started seeing Potter not long after, then a few years later, they were both dead"

Not knowing what to say, Tonks simply lay back down, pulling him to her and smoothing a hand over his back as he buried his face in her neck. She understood now, could fully imagine the guilt over the rash words, and the regret of never making amends. She could only hope that her love could somehow begin to heal some of his scars. And that she would never be forced to add any new ones..

"I'm so sorry" she whispered, kissing the top of his head "That must have been very painful"

"It is something I will always regret" He lifted his head suddenly, his black eyes boring into hers "Do you understand now, why I was so afraid of hurting you? If I lost you as well, the same way.."

"You won't" she protested.

Her voice was as strong and sure as ever, but the slight uncertainty in her eyes did not go undetected. He sighed, leaning his head down until their foreheads touched and kissing the tip of her nose.

"I know what you're going to say" she whispered, lifting her head till their lips met and kissing him gently "And I wish I could make that promise.."

"But..?"

"But" she sighed "How can I predict how I'm going to feel when he comes back? Please try to understand, Severus. I spent the last three years of my life loving only him and thinking that somehow we were going to find a way to be happy together. And then he left.. And as much as I love you, those are feelings I can't just turn off in an instant"

He was silent for a few long moments, just staring into her eyes and running his hands softly up and down her body. She leaned into his touch, praying she hadn't just made a bloody mess of things..

"I understand" he said finally.

"You do?" her voice quivered with relief.

"Of course I do, Nymphadora. I know it's not fair of me to ask so much of you right now, that's why I haven't. But I do thank you for being honest with me. I want this to work, I want this to work so badly.. So I'm willing to take things as they come. I would rather have you for as long as possible than not at all"

"Thank you" she whispered, squeezing the breath out of him "And I'm so sorry.."

"Shh.." he breathed, kissing her long and slow as he hands resumed their light stroking of her skin.

And there were no more confessions that night.

_But I will hold on hope  
>And I won't let you choke<br>On the noose around your neck_


End file.
